Talking about ourselves triggers the same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money. A study in PNAS found individuals place high subjective value on opportunities to communicate their thoughts and feelings to others. This engages neural and cognitive mechanisms linked with reward.
，談?wù)撟约耗芟袷澄锖徒疱X(qián)一樣讓我們的大腦產(chǎn)生一種愉悅感?！睹绹?guó)國(guó)家科學(xué)院院刊》上的一篇研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，個(gè)體在交流思想情感時(shí)會(huì)帶入強(qiáng)烈的主觀價(jià)值。這里涉及到與獎(jiǎng)賞有關(guān)的神經(jīng)和認(rèn)知機(jī)制。

Self-disclosure is so extreme people were willing to forgo money in order to talk about themselves, according to the researchers. An attention-giver will give their undivided attention to the individual, and allow them to focus the conversation on themselves to feel important.
研究人員稱(chēng)，自我表露是非常極端的，以至于為了談?wù)撟约?，人們可以不去想金錢(qián)。一名注意力給予者會(huì)全心全意地關(guān)注對(duì)方，并允許他們把談話(huà)焦點(diǎn)放在自己身上，使他們感到自己很重要。

Repeat The Last Three Words
重復(fù)最后三個(gè)單詞

Repetition is ideal when it comes to good communication skills, especially repeating the last three words of a conversation; this is known as "The Echo Effect." Simply repeating the last two or three words an individual said in a sympathetic, questioning tone will allow the conversation to go back to the person, and make them feel more important. A study in Journal of Language and Social Psychology found mirroring people's words can be a very important skill in building likability, rapport, and social cohesion.
重復(fù)是完美的溝通訣竅，特別是重復(fù)一次談話(huà)中的最后三個(gè)字：這就是所謂的“回聲效應(yīng)”。用感同身受、帶著疑問(wèn)的語(yǔ)氣簡(jiǎn)單重復(fù)一個(gè)人說(shuō)過(guò)的最后兩三個(gè)字，就會(huì)讓對(duì)話(huà)回到對(duì)方身上，讓他們感覺(jué)自己更加重要?！墩Z(yǔ)言與社會(huì)心理學(xué)期刊》上的一項(xiàng)研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，重復(fù)別人的話(huà)語(yǔ)是建立好感度、融洽氣氛以及社會(huì)凝聚力的重要技巧。

Emphasize Similarities
強(qiáng)調(diào)共性

Naturally, we tend to bond with people who are like us. However, we seem to be unaware of this fact. A study in Evolutionary Psychology found when individuals were asked what they wanted in a partner, the majority said they would prefer a complementary partner rather than a similar one. However, the individuals were more likely to choose a partner who they thought was very similar to them.
我們天生傾向于和同類(lèi)建立聯(lián)系。然而，我們似乎沒(méi)有意識(shí)到這點(diǎn)?！哆M(jìn)化心理學(xué)》上的一篇研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，當(dāng)被問(wèn)到想要什么樣的伴侶時(shí)，大多數(shù)人表示，他們更喜歡和自己互補(bǔ)的伴侶，而不是和自己相似的。然而，人們更可能選擇自己眼中的同類(lèi)作為伴侶。

In reality, this shows we're not influenced by our friends after we meet them, we organically gravitate towards them because they're just like us. With total strangers, we can use this to our advantage, and shift the conversation to topics you're both interested in. This gets them to talk about things they like, as you’re being receptive about this similarity.
事實(shí)上，這說(shuō)明我們和朋友見(jiàn)面后不會(huì)受到他們的影響。我們自然而然地被他們吸引，是因?yàn)樗麄兒臀覀兒芟?。和完全陌生的人接觸時(shí)，也可以利用這點(diǎn)，把談話(huà)引到你們都感興趣的話(huà)題上。這樣對(duì)方就能夠談?wù)撍矚g的事情，因?yàn)槟銓?duì)這種相似性很容易接受。

Gossip Positively
正面八卦

Not all gossip is bad gossip, especially when it comes to compliments. A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found what you say about others colors how people see you. If you compliment people, you're likely to be seen positively; if you complain, you're likely to be associated with those negative traits you hate. When you gossip about others, listeners unconsciously associate you with those characteristics you're describing, eventually having those traits 'transferred' on to you.
并非所有的八卦都是不好的閑話(huà)，尤其是贊美的話(huà)?！度烁衽c社會(huì)心理學(xué)》雜志上的一項(xiàng)研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，你對(duì)別人的評(píng)價(jià)會(huì)影響別人對(duì)你的看法。如果你贊美別人，聽(tīng)眾也會(huì)用積極的眼光來(lái)看待你；如果你抱怨別人，聽(tīng)眾可能會(huì)把你和那些你討厭的消極品質(zhì)聯(lián)系在一起。當(dāng)你八卦別人的時(shí)候，聽(tīng)眾會(huì)不自覺(jué)地把你所描述的那些特征和你聯(lián)系在一起，最終把這些特征“轉(zhuǎn)移”到你身上。

Rule of thumb: if you're going to gossip about people, do it in a positive way.
經(jīng)驗(yàn)法則：如果你要聊別人的八卦，就聊正面的內(nèi)容。

英文來(lái)源：《國(guó)際財(cái)經(jīng)時(shí)報(bào)》
翻譯&編輯：董靜
審校：丹妮